I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
