I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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