There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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