My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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