My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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