You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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