Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
