she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
