i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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