you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
