my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
