i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
