ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I seem to have left my pride at pride
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
