In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
