Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
