Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
