First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
