I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
