are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
