so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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