You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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