guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
