she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
