you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The uberlube is also flammable
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
