Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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