Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
