How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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