Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
