Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
it glows. i had to have it.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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