I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
