We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
