i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
