I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
