Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
