Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
