i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Congratulations! We have a period
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
