There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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