I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
