One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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