No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
