AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
