i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
