Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
