My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you didnt know i had herpes?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Panties = found
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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