I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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