Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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