I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
