hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
