well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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