I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I love having hate sex.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
