If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
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