You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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