i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
